First off, I’d like to state that I don’t condone violence, these videos truly have me conflicted. To be honest, I’m sitting at my computer right now, trying to piece together what I’m feeling so it will make sense in a blog post.
If you can’t or don’t want to watch the videos, I’ll summarize what happens. In the first video, a man is getting beat up by a trans woman. This man allegedly said “That’s a man.” While I don’t believe that woman deserved to have her identity and gender questioned and invalidated in such a way, I don’t think that man deserved to get the shit kicked out of him either. At the same time, seeing how he called her a bitch after she kicked his ass, I somehow don’t think a verbal debate or something of the like would have done much good, either. The second video is more difficult to discern what happened. There are so many people in the video and in the actual attack that it’s hard to make out what went on. In both videos, the actual events leading up to the attacks aren’t shown, so we’re basing this all on the what the posters of the videos are saying happened.
While it makes me proud to see queer and trans people standing up for themselves in such situations, (and I’m in no way saying they haven’t before) I’m also disappointed that it had to come blows. I can only speculate what was going through these people’s heads when it happened. Maybe they had a bad day, and this was just the straw that broke the camels back, but I think it’s more than likely that they were just sick of being a target for macho douchebags to use to assert their heterosexuality and masculinity. I truly hope that the actions of these individuals make people think twice before they start something like that. At the same time, I still believe that violence isn’t warranted unless it’s in self-defense.
It still boggles my mind that homophobic and transphobic attacks still take place in this day and age, but they do. Stay safe friends, and take care of one another.
November is here. You know what that means. I probably won’t even have time to look at this blog, let alone write anything.
It’s National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo. For all the anxiety and stress it causes, I love November. I have to admit though, I’ve never finished it. Not once. But this year is going to be different. I have a sense of determination that I’ve felt few times in my life. I’m going to run with the novel I have in my head, and hope to finish by November 30th. Keep your fingers crossed for me, friends. I’m going to need all the luck I can get.
Since most of you don’t know me personally, I’ll fill you in on a little something. I’m a foodie. I’m a weird foodie. I’m extremely selective about what I will and will not consume. Some people call me picky, I tend to think that I know what I like and I won’t compromise on that. I’ll try anything at least once but if I don’t like it the first time, it’s highly unlikely that I’ll try it again.
The thing that really burns my ass (figuratively speaking…harhar) is the obsession with making junk food healthier. Seriously. It’s called junk food for a reason. We all know that it’s bad for us. We all know if we eat enough of it, it will make us fat. We also know that if it’s combined with a well balanced diet, we can get away with it every once in awhile. The thing is, the companies that make these products don’t want us to eat them once in awhile. They want us to stock our cupboards like good little piggies. Not surprisingly they’ve found a way to get us to do just that.
In recent years there’s been a ton of media coverage on the effects of junk food, fast food and other less healthy items. These junk food pushers have caught onto the fact that people are actually thinking for themselves, reading labels and comparing items, even if healthier options are more expensive. In a bold move to keep customers, they’ve added low or no calorie options. Here’s my take on the whole thing:
People are greedy. I don’t know why, we just are. So if a company labels something that says it’s low calorie, we’re probably going to eat twice as much of it, if not more. I’d say it was a smart business idea, but it doesn’t exactly take a rocket scientist to figure out that if someone is given the option of having one or two cookies, they’ll generally have two. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take that second cookie (and maybe a finger in the process) as quick as anyone. Except those two cookies you just offered me taste like they were made the same year that the FDA approved aspartame. I don’t know about you, but if I’m going have a bag chips or a soda, I want that shit to taste good. I don’t particularly care for chips that taste like cardboard or soda that tastes like it’s gone flat.
I got through the consult. I was more anxious than I thought I’d be. In fact, I can’t recall a time in recent memory where I’ve been that anxious.
The doctor, Catherine Allaire was great. She got right to the point, not a whole lot of mumbo jumbo. Obviously the worst part was the exam itself. I had to have an ultrasound of my uterus. Not fun, but I’m glad I had it done. Apprently I have several fibroids and my uterus is slightly prolapsed. She said that may make surgery easier for her. She also said I’m a good candidate for the laproscopic method, which is what I was hoping for. The healing is much easier and scarring is minimal.I’ll be waiting another six months but I’m sort glad I have to. It’ll give me time to get as healthy as possible and to lose weight.
It seems like this is all finally coming together for me. It feels like I’ve been waiting years for this to happen, and I have. I don’t regret it much though, I know I’m going to appreciate it so much more now. This may seem cliche, I feel like I can finally start my life. A new life where I’m not in constant fear of the wrong people finding out the way I was born.
I’m keep updating about this process, and the steps I’m taking to prepare for surgery. I think it will be sort of cathartic for me.
I have an appointment for my hysterectomy consultation in less than a week. From what the office assistant told me, I may be able to have my surgery as early as November.
When I first got the news, I was incredibly nervous. I’m in no way scared about chest surgery, but there’s something about the hysterectomy that freaks me out. I know that the surgery itself isn’t as invasive as it once was and is really quite common, but the thought of having my innards removed (no matter how much I despise them) makes me feel ill.
In the past month I’ve been becoming less and less nervous and more excited about getting this over and done with. Don’t get me wrong, I do still have a few crazy ideas running through my head, but I’ve been able to keep them at bay for the most part.
I feel like my life is changing faster than my brain can catch up. It may seem like slow progress for other people, but my transition process and life path has been much different than most. I used to feel resentful of people who seemed to have transitioned overnight. I’d judge them because their parents paid for their surgery or they used student loan money. I’d be irritated with people who got surgery within months of deciding that they were going to transition. It’s taken some time, but I’ve been able to put that resentment aside. I realised that my anger wasn’t towards these people who were getting surgery, it was anger at myself for poor judgement that prevented me from pursuing surgery sooner. I have a horrible habit of beating myself up over things and hold onto that for long periods of time. The fact is, whatever mistakes I’ve made that got in the way of surgical transition are in the past. It’s incredibly unhealthy to hold onto that anger against myself. It’s only making the waiting process more difficult for me, so the healthy thing to do would be to let those negative feelings go and focus on getting in better shape for surgery.
As far as I know, I’ll be able to change my gender on my birth certificate as soon as this surgery is over. All I need is a letter from the surgeon saying that I’ve had the corrective surgery and a similar letter from my doctor. It sounds cheesy, but I feel like my life will finally really start once this is done. Now the only thing left to do is wait.
While on my way to therapy, I realised that there was a gathering for the missing/murdered Aboriginal women in response to the investigation that began yesterday. As I approached Granville and Georgia, I noticed several people gathered around a drumming circle. I watched from the southwest corner. I became overwhelmed when I saw a poster with the missing women’s faces on it. I could feel the somber mood of the crowd, the sadness, anger and frustration. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer for these women and everyone who knew them. I prayed for justice for the women and for closure for their loved ones who they were stolen from.